Self Care – Shadows

I was on a hike with a friend recently and while chatting I mentioned to her that as parents, it’s important that we take care of ourselves too.  Frankly, I once heard a therapist say that many parents with a struggling teen are probably dealing with some PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  To me this spoke volumes and may explain the exhaustion/detachment, etc. some parents and families may be feeling.  Taking care of ourselves can bring our lives and our families lives back into a clearer focus and into greater balance.

One of the ways to take care of yourself is to develop regular practices.   You may ask why a “practice”?  Practices provide us with a set of tools that we can call upon faster and faster the more we practice.  As an example, when exercising a muscle to build it up and make it stronger, you need to do regular exercise routines – you may even need to unlearn bad exercise habits (not standing up straight etc.).  After exercising for a while, the muscle has developed and is now strong and can be called into action when needed.

Another important reason to practice is that we are also sending a message to our sons and daughters that not only are they being asked to work on themselves but that we are working on ourselves too.  In short, we are in this together and we are individuals too (Individuals because the practices that I may choose or that I may need will probably be different from our son’s or daughter’s).

With this background, one approach that I know of suggest that you develop practices in the areas Body, Mind, Shadow, and Spirit (for a book organizing practices through the centuries – see Integral Life Practice).  I chose this approach because I find these areas/aspects represent simple concepts that we can easily incorporate into our lives.  For the purposes of this post, I will address Shadows.  Other posts will address Body, Mind, and Spirit.

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Per Wikipedia, Shadow in psychology is defined as:

“In Jungian psychology, the shadow or “shadow aspect” is a part of the unconscious mind consisting of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and instincts. It is one of the three most recognizable archetypes, the others being the anima and animus and the persona. “Everyone carries a shadow,” Jung wrote, “and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” It may be (in part) one’s link to more primitive animal instincts, which are superseded during early childhood by the conscious mind.

According to Jung, the shadow, in being instinctive and irrational, is prone to project: turning a personal inferiority into a perceived moral deficiency in someone else. Jung writes that if these projections are unrecognized “The projection-making factor (the Shadow archetype) then has a free hand and can realize its object–if it has one–or bring about some other situation characteristic of its power.”  These projections insulate and cripple individuals by forming an ever thicker fog of illusion between the ego and the real world.  

Jung also believed that “in spite of its function as a reservoir for human darkness—or perhaps because of this—the shadow is the seat of creativity….”

Interesting, huh??  So how do you work with your Shadow?  A paper that I think does a good job in explaining shadows that also provides examples and may help you recognize some of your own shadows is The Mystery of Projection (see http://www.vlwilson.com/projection.htm).   As a note, this paper addresses shadows from a spiritual perspective – from the vantage point of how do we become more whole, more compassionate.

Another way of working with shadows is by going to psychotherapy.  Many programs recommend that parents participate in psychotherapy (individual, family, etc.) while their son or daughter is attending a residential program – personally, we did this and I know that it made a difference.

So how are you taking care of yourself?  Is there anything else you can do that would help you be stronger and more loving towards yourself?   This is something to think about, don’t you think?