Self Care – Gratitude

With a struggling son or daughter, sometimes there is so much going on in our world that the last thing we think of is taking care of ourselves.   One simple practice that doesn’t take a long time but can help tremendously is the practice of gratitude.    You may wonder – why gratitude?   It turns out that research has shown, among many other things, that grateful people are less depressed, sleep better, have more positive ways of coping with difficult experiences, and are downright happier.

With this said, there are various ways to practice gratitude.  For purposes of this blog, I have selected a few practices that I hope will give you some ideas about how to support your emotional/spiritual self.

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Keep a gratefulness journal – At the end of each day, write down 5 things that you are grateful for.  This simple practice can have a powerful impact.  One day the things that you are grateful for may be:

• the friend who called and offered to support you and your family,
• the beautiful sunset you saw,
• the book you just finished reading,
• the homemade soup your neighbor brought over,  &
• spending some time alone.

Another day you may be thankful for:

• completing a work project you had been working on for months,
• the family therapy call that went well,
• your son saying I love you,
• the shoulder massage your wife gave you, &
• waking up in a warm, cozy room.

etc.  you can get a sense of how this is done.  If you can’t think of enough things to be grateful for, you may want to join an online community.  In my case, shortly after our daughter started the residential treatment program, by chance, I had been previously scheduled to attend an event where a Benedictine Monk spoke of the Gratitude as a way of living our lives.   This monk’s name is Brother David Steindl-Rast and his website is gratefulness.org.   This website is a resource that you may want to tap into.  He has also written several books on gratefulness that you may wish to consider reading.

Practice Naikan – Several years ago a friend of mine gave me a book called “Naikan – Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self Reflection“.  This book introduced me to the concept of Naikan which takes gratitude to another level by reflecting on the impact you have on others.

Per Wikipedia,

“Naikan practice is based on three questions:

• What have I received from (person x)?

• What have I given to (person x)?

• What troubles and difficulties have I caused to (person x)?

A related fourth question, “What troubles and difficulties has (person x) caused me”, is purposely ignored in Naikan. Naikan presupposes that we’re all naturally good at seeing answers to this fourth question, and that too much focus on this question is responsible for much of one’s misery in day-to-day life. ”

I feel the last point is appropriate as going through a family crisis can trigger, even in the most well meaning family, a focus on the difficulties that others are causing and, frankly, this won’t help.  If you find yourself  judging/blaming, etc. you may want to consider shifting your thinking and focusing on the three core questions – what have I received, what I have given, what difficulties have I caused another.   But be fair to yourself, don’t beat yourself up for having judged, etc..  Just use anything you learn with this practice as a way of improving who you are.

Naikan can be practiced in many ways (week long retreats, etc.) but a simple approach to start is take time at the end of each day to reflect on your day and maybe write your reflections down.

For more information on Naikan, one resource you can use is http://www.todoinstitute.org/.

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As always, I hope this is of service to you and your family.