Have you noticed how a shift in attitude can make a difference in our lives?  During dinner with a friend earlier this week, how our attitude can impact our relationships came up.  Our specific conversation was about how changing our attitude at work can transform our work environment from a miserable place to go to each day, to a place where you feel more empowered and positive about.  I believe that this shift in attitude can also help our struggling families grow more understanding.

What do I mean?  Basically, we all come from different backgrounds and bring with us different life experiences.  Whether your family is a single parent household or a two parent household, is Southern Baptist or Jewish, is fifth generation American or just recently immigrated to the US, etc., our history and our current environment influence our families.   For example, my youngest daughter was born into a home where I, her mother, came from a Latin American family with specific family values.   In addition, I was also shaped by spending  part of my youth in a third world country where electricity and running water were not always available, and later in my young adult years, working my way through college.   So when my youngest daughter seemed to take for granted what we had, I was heartbroken and angry and spent a lot of time trying to get her to see things my way.   When I finally stopped and realized that her life experience was different than mine, I was able to begin to see things from her vantage point.   In my opinion, this shift in attitude on my part, opened up our ability to have a more sincere conversation and better understand and respect each other.

In your relationship(s) with your struggling teen or the rest of your family, is there any place where you may benefit from reexamining how you are looking at things?   If so, you may find that this self examination may shift your relationship(s) and possibly bring you greater peace of mind.

As always, I hope this is of service.

When you are the parent of a struggling teen, there is suffering/pain.  Whether it’s your teen that is suffering, your spouse, your other children, yourself, etc. all are impacted in some form or another.   Know that out of this pain, you will most likely change/grow and that this change will bring a new way of looking at life, your relationships, yourself.   Some of us will discover a strength we didn’t  know we had; some of us will have a deeper understanding of how we relate to ourselves and to others – it can sometimes feel as if blinders have been removed; others of us may find that our spirituality/faith grows; and yet others may find themselves being more compassionate, etc.   It is about this change and growth that this quote draws from.

As this change can be very difficult, my hope is that today you and your family are being supported in this transition and, that if you are not, that you seek the support needed as my personal belief is that we are not meant to do this alone.

I hope this quote and my writing reminds you that tomorrow will bring a new day.

Sincerely,

As parents of struggling teens, the weight on our shoulders sometimes feels overwhelming.  At least, at times it felt like that to me.  So when I heard this quote in today’s podcast by Marianne Williamson‘s on Oprah.com, I was intrigued.  To quote from within the podcast:

“…“If you assume that every single situation, every aspect of every situation, comes with a lesson, comes with an opportunity to be bigger than you were before, to be stronger than you were before, to be more compassionate than you were before, to be more excellent than you were before, then that means that even here lies the foundation of a better life.…

Viewed from these perspectives, even though your life may seem overwhelming today, your life will unfold and in time you will have created a better life.   My hope is that for now these thoughts help ease your days.

Should you wish to listen to the complete podcast, please go to http://www.oprah.com/media/20090605-miraclethought-marianne-williamson-discipline.

No matter where your family is this week, I hope you take the time to reflect and give thanks for what it is that you do have.

I read Kahlil Gibran’s book The Prophet many years ago and was touched by the simplicity of much of what Kahlil Gibran wrote.  Now that my daughter is eighteen, I find that remembering that our children don’t belong to us makes her transition into adulthood easier for me.   My guess is that I am not alone in this and that any parent who has or has had a struggling teen turn eighteen could be helped by this quote.  In fact, as we head for the week of Thanksgiving, I humbly offer this quote to all parents as a reminder that all of our children are a gift and don’t belong to us.

When your family is struggling, sometimes we forget what we have to be thankful for.  I would like to suggest that it may be even more important to reflect on what we have than what we don’t have, in fact, it may lead you to a journey of healing.

Relationships full of love and wisdom – isn’t this a beautiful concept to strive for?   How would our families be impacted if we took some of this quote to heart?

What an inspirational role model Nelson Mandela is!   In my experience, life is not a straight path – there are times we  get everything perfectly right the first time and then there are other times when it seems that things go wrong no matter what we do.   The trick is what we do when things go wrong, when we’ve failed.  Do we get back up, do we try something new, or do we just give up?  Personally, I think our families gain more when we rise back up again every time we fail/fall, don’t you?

For a myriad of reasons in my family worry became ingrained as a way of being.  With the passage of years, I found that always worrying about what could be kept me from enjoying precious moments with those I love.  How about you?  Is there room for improvement in your life in this area?   My guess is that if we were able to be more present to today we might be able to shift our tomorrow.

When communicating with our loved ones, we sometimes find ourselves accused of things that we are surprised by (i.e. you were never around).  One approach that may be helpful is that instead of getting defensive (an almost instinctive response), you acknowledge you hear what your loved ones are saying and, unless you have clear tangible evidence proving that their information/perception is mistaken, that you acknowledge that there may be some truth in what they saying.  You might be surprised by how this may shift the dynamics of the conversation.