My request is that as parents of struggling teens, you reflect on these tips as they apply to your specific circumstance(s).  As an example, Tip # 1 Assess Criticism and Who Its Coming From, will be key in dealing with a struggling teen and its impact.  Whether it be our son or daughter who criticizes us, or our parents, friends, etc. opinions and criticism can and most likely will abound.  It will be important to step back to reflect on what has been said clearly; it will be important to understand the source of the criticism and where the source is coming from (e.g. black and white thinking – only one way is the right way, etc.); and it will be important to understand that, if you were like me, you may, in fact, be overly sensitive to criticism without even realizing it.

As always, I hope this of service.  A special thanks to Patricia for allowing me to post her work here.

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10 Tips for Coping with Criticism

Healthy and empowering ways to meet insults and criticism gracefully and appropriately.

By Patricia Spadaro

www.HowToHonorYourself.com

We all get hit by life’s slings and arrows from time to time. They can come from a resident critic—a family member, friend, or co-worker who always finds something wrong—or as the occasional put-down that catches you by surprise. What do you do when an insult is hurled your way, privately or publically? Do you pretend you didn’t hear it or hurl an insult right back? Do you internalize it or get angry and lash

You may not be able to stop someone’s nasty words or careless actions, but you can change how you deal with those barbs. They don’t have to take you down or tempt you to retaliate. Try these 10 healthy and empowering tips to meet insults and criticism gracefully and

Tip #1: Assess Criticism and Who It Is Coming From
It’s important to get an accurate read on a situation to decide the best way to respond. There’s a big difference between constructive criticism from someone who loves you and getting bashed by someone who steals the stage to discredit you. You’ll need to get some objectivity before deciding whether it’s right to speak up or let it

Try this: Pull away from the situation and look at it without ego, as if you were observing someone else’s life.  Is it possible you are being overly sensitive, or has someone treated you like a doormat without good reason?  A clear sense of which it is will help you find the best

Tip #2: Acknowledge Your Feelings

Pressure can build up when you don’t acknowledge what’s bothering you. When someone hurts you, especially someone close to you, you may stuff your feelings below the surface to avoid a confrontation. But your feelings are a key part of your internal guidance system—they warn you when something is wrong. By ignoring feelings, you create a larger problem to deal with later. By accepting the messages they bring, you’ll be able to deal more effectively with issues from the

Try this: Rather than slamming a lid over your emotions, notice them as they arise–without judging yourself or blaming others for making you upset. Ask yourself: If my feelings could talk right now, what would they say? What is this feeling asking me to do? What new choices can I make to help me feel at peace about this

Tip #3: Draw Clear Boundaries with Big Critics

You get to choose who and what you will tolerate in your life. If you are in a personal or working relationship with someone who tries to whittle away your self-esteem by constantly judging and belittling you, you owe it to yourself to create boundaries and to tell that person how you feel when that happens.  It’s important for your well-being to remove yourself from that toxic energy. It can weigh you down, stunt your creativity, and make you feel depressed or

Try this: Decide on a specific action you will take if the judger in your life continues to bombard you with criticism. Clearly, lovingly, and firmly tell him or her what you will do if it happens again. For example, you may decide to leave the room, politely excuse yourself from the phone call, or, if it’s serious enough, end the relationship altogether. Be sure to follow through and take that action. When you honor yourself, you are training other people to honor

Tip #4: Look for the Nugget of Truth

The people in our lives—at home, at work, or in line at the grocery store—are often our mirrors. They reflect back the impact of our words and actions. Another’s words, though harsh or spiteful, can awaken us to an aspect of our own behavior we have refused to own up to. Although criticism can be hard to take, you can benefit from it by looking for the nugget of truth embedded in a painful

Try this: Instead of overreacting to criticism and going on the attack, summon the courage to ask yourself: Does this criticism include the tiniest morsel of truth about me that I can learn from? Then ask yourself (and even the person who criticized you) how you can do better. That missing piece of information may very well be the key to your next spiritual and emotional growth

Tip #5: Correct Lies and Statements That Sabotage

When someone spreads dangerous rumors or lies that jeopardize your job or an important relationship, you can’t ignore it. This is not the time to chatter behind closed doors with friends or wring your hands with worry. This is a time for positive action. Don’t blame or shame the judgers by calling them names. Instead, focus on finding resolution by clearing inaccuracies in the sabotaging statements. There may be real misunderstandings that you now have the opportunity to clear up with facts. For example, actress Jane Fonda started her own blog to address the many rumors that swirl around

Try this: To get clarity, take some deep breaths and pull out of a piece of paper. On one side, write down the false statement. On the other side, write down the truth as you see it. Ask to meet in person with those who have the misunderstanding and calmly explain how you feel and what the facts really are. If necessary, also put the correction in writing and send it to those involved. Even if others don’t accept the truth, you have stood up for yourself and can move

Tip #6: Problem Solve from the Heart

The world’s sages teach that a quiet heart can lead us to the best solutions to any issue. When you are facing the knotty problem of how to deal with someone’s unkindness or sharp criticism, you’ll handle the situation better by moving into your heart. Don’t impulsively shoot from the hip (or the mouth). Pick your favorite technique for centering before making a

Try this: Get out of your head and relax heated emotions by centering in your heart. Simply close your eyes and breathe deeply, then see and feel a flame burning brightly in your heart. Or take a few moments to recall an experience that makes you feel happy or grateful. Once you feel a real sense of joy or peace, turn back to the issue at hand. Ask yourself: “What is the best way for me to resolve this issue? What is my next step?” Then listen for the answer that

Tip #7: Stay on Target

When an immature insult comes flying at you, rather than playing the role of victim and seeing yourself as the target, stay on target. Don’t let criticism and insults distract you from your goals and life purpose. There’s a saying that “no good deed goes unpunished.” Taking a stand or breaking out of conventional ways to express your authentic voice may well draw fire from the jealous and competitive. Consider it background noise and don’t let it distract

Try this: Deal appropriately with damaging criticism, but don’t allow every petty and insignificant critic to pull you off track. Not every snide comment demands a response. Set your intention and keep focused on what’s important in your life so you can go on giving your gifts to

Tip #8: Open Your Heart and Reach Out to Others

Sometimes what’s directed at you is not about you at all. The person who is complaining may simply be struggling with an internal battle that is spilling over into your life. When people nag or grumble, they may actually be trying to tell you that they are hurting. Griping about the clothes on the floor, the dishes in the sink, or the project that is five minutes late may be code for “I need your support and attention. I need to feel valued and appreciated.

Try this: When others criticize and whine, instead of automatically striking back with “How could you say such a thing! What’s wrong with you?” pause and probe deeper. Gently ask: “Why are you hurting, and what can I do to help you?” Then be quiet and listen for the answers. Give the people you care about room to express themselves and allow the real issues to

Tip #9: Be Gracious but Firm in Public

A public embarrassment, whether it’s a put-down from a boss or co-worker at a meeting, a relative at a family function, or a heckler in the audience, may be uncomfortable, but it is an opportunity to walk your talk. Don’t criticize the critics, respond defensively, or pick a fight by hurling an angry or sarcastic comeback. That only makes you look like the offender and fuels the fire. Stay polite, calm, and in control. You’ll inspire others to have confidence in you by acting with self-

Try this: If someone has legitimate concerns but has voiced them in the wrong way at the wrong time, respond briefly and sincerely, offering to resolve the issue with them later. Smile and say something along the following lines to break the tension and help you meet awkward moments with grace and poise: “I see you have some concerns (or misunderstandings). I’d like to talk with you about that during the break” or “We all have a right to our own opinions—we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

Tip #10: Don’t Take It Personally

If you have taken to heart the previous suggestions and adjusted your behavior in an attempt to resolve an issue but are still dogged by an unrelenting critic, it’s probably time to move on. Unfortunately, some people criticize as a way of projecting their own issues onto others or taking the focus off their own inadequacies, and there is nothing you can do about it. Continually dwelling on their childish behavior or holding a grudge will only keep you

Try this: Instead of allowing your precious energy and attention to be sapped by naysayers, free yourself by forgiving, letting go, and moving on. Don’t speak about your critics with bitterness or blame. Treat them with respect, model the appropriate behavior yourself, and you might just spur a change of heart in them too.

Patricia Spadaro is the author of the book Honor Yourself: The Inner Art of Giving and Receiving. To learn more about her book and get empowering tools to honor yourself, give your best to others, and create balanced, authentic living, visit her at HowToHonorYourself.

Honor Yourself: The Inner Art of Giving and Receiving is available now at Barnes & Noble, Borders, Amazon.com and your favorite neighborhood and online bookseller.

Copyright 2009 © Patricia Spadaro.

When you are the parent of a struggling teen, there is suffering/pain.  Whether it’s your teen that is suffering, your spouse, your other children, yourself, etc. all are impacted in some form or another.   Know that out of this pain, you will most likely change/grow and that this change will bring a new way of looking at life, your relationships, yourself.   Some of us will discover a strength we didn’t  know we had; some of us will have a deeper understanding of how we relate to ourselves and to others – it can sometimes feel as if blinders have been removed; others of us may find that our spirituality/faith grows; and yet others may find themselves being more compassionate, etc.   It is about this change and growth that this quote draws from.

As this change can be very difficult, my hope is that today you and your family are being supported in this transition and, that if you are not, that you seek the support needed as my personal belief is that we are not meant to do this alone.

I hope this quote and my writing reminds you that tomorrow will bring a new day.

Sincerely,

As parents of struggling teens, the weight on our shoulders sometimes feels overwhelming.  At least, at times it felt like that to me.  So when I heard this quote in today’s podcast by Marianne Williamson‘s on Oprah.com, I was intrigued.  To quote from within the podcast:

“…“If you assume that every single situation, every aspect of every situation, comes with a lesson, comes with an opportunity to be bigger than you were before, to be stronger than you were before, to be more compassionate than you were before, to be more excellent than you were before, then that means that even here lies the foundation of a better life.…

Viewed from these perspectives, even though your life may seem overwhelming today, your life will unfold and in time you will have created a better life.   My hope is that for now these thoughts help ease your days.

Should you wish to listen to the complete podcast, please go to http://www.oprah.com/media/20090605-miraclethought-marianne-williamson-discipline.

No matter where your family is this week, I hope you take the time to reflect and give thanks for what it is that you do have.

I read Kahlil Gibran’s book The Prophet many years ago and was touched by the simplicity of much of what Kahlil Gibran wrote.  Now that my daughter is eighteen, I find that remembering that our children don’t belong to us makes her transition into adulthood easier for me.   My guess is that I am not alone in this and that any parent who has or has had a struggling teen turn eighteen could be helped by this quote.  In fact, as we head for the week of Thanksgiving, I humbly offer this quote to all parents as a reminder that all of our children are a gift and don’t belong to us.

With this said, there are various ways to practice gratitude.  For purposes of this blog, I have selected a few practices that I hope will give you some ideas about how to support your emotional/spiritual self.

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Keep a gratefulness journal – At the end of each day, write down 5 things that you are grateful for.  This simple practice can have a powerful impact.  One day the things that you are grateful for may be:

• the friend who called and offered to support you and your family,
• the beautiful sunset you saw,
• the book you just finished reading,
• the homemade soup your neighbor brought over,  &
• spending some time alone.

Another day you may be thankful for:

• completing a work project you had been working on for months,
• the family therapy call that went well,
• your son saying I love you,
• the shoulder massage your wife gave you, &
• waking up in a warm, cozy room.

etc.  you can get a sense of how this is done.  If you can’t think of enough things to be grateful for, you may want to join an online community.  In my case, shortly after our daughter started the residential treatment program, by chance, I had been previously scheduled to attend an event where a Benedictine Monk spoke of the Gratitude as a way of living our lives.   This monk’s name is Brother David Steindl-Rast and his website is gratefulness.org.   This website is a resource that you may want to tap into.  He has also written several books on gratefulness that you may wish to consider reading.

Practice Naikan – Several years ago a friend of mine gave me a book called “Naikan – Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self Reflection“.  This book introduced me to the concept of Naikan which takes gratitude to another level by reflecting on the impact you have on others.

Per Wikipedia,

“Naikan practice is based on three questions:

• What have I received from (person x)?

• What have I given to (person x)?

• What troubles and difficulties have I caused to (person x)?

A related fourth question, “What troubles and difficulties has (person x) caused me”, is purposely ignored in Naikan. Naikan presupposes that we’re all naturally good at seeing answers to this fourth question, and that too much focus on this question is responsible for much of one’s misery in day-to-day life. ”

I feel the last point is appropriate as going through a family crisis can trigger, even in the most well meaning family, a focus on the difficulties that others are causing and, frankly, this won’t help.  If you find yourself  judging/blaming, etc. you may want to consider shifting your thinking and focusing on the three core questions – what have I received, what I have given, what difficulties have I caused another.   But be fair to yourself, don’t beat yourself up for having judged, etc..  Just use anything you learn with this practice as a way of improving who you are.

Naikan can be practiced in many ways (week long retreats, etc.) but a simple approach to start is take time at the end of each day to reflect on your day and maybe write your reflections down.

For more information on Naikan, one resource you can use is http://www.todoinstitute.org/.

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As always, I hope this is of service to you and your family.

When your family is struggling, sometimes we forget what we have to be thankful for.  I would like to suggest that it may be even more important to reflect on what we have than what we don’t have, in fact, it may lead you to a journey of healing.

Given how important it is to reflect honestly on what is being said to us and about us, you may want to read this article.   As always, I hope this of service to you and your family.

Note: for more on the work of Patricia Spadaro, please see http://www.practicalspirituality.info/About-Patricia-Spadaro.html.

Relationships full of love and wisdom – isn’t this a beautiful concept to strive for?   How would our families be impacted if we took some of this quote to heart?

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As noted in prior blogs, various groups are working to ensure that parents have as much information as possible before placing a teen in a therapeutic program.  One such organization is the Alliance for the Safe, Therapeutic and Appropriate use of Residential Treatment (A START – http://astart.fmhi.usf.edu/).

Per their website:

“A START, the Alliance for the Safe, Therapeutic, and Appropriate Use of Residential Treatment, is an organization of mental health professionals, parents, advocates, and young adults who came together in 2005 amidst growing concern about mistreatment of youth in residential programs.

These concerns were reinforced in hearings held in 2007 and 2008 by the Committee on Education and Labor of the U.S. House of Representatives. During these hearings, Committee Chairman George Miller described the practices in some of these programs in simple and powerful terms as “inhumane.”  The concerns were further documented in reports prepared by the Government Accountability Office, in which the GAO reported that allegations of abuse were widespread, and that “the current federal-state oversight situation is inadequate to protect youth from maltreatment” (more on this in a future blog)…

A START seeks to increase awareness of this problem, promote protections for children and families, and provide information about residential programs and community-based alternatives so that parents and youth can make the best choices. ….”

One of the ways, ASTART is achieving their objectives is by providing a simple fact sheet (see http://astart.fmhi.usf.edu/AStartDocs/factsheet.pdf) which parents can use to help guide them in their decision making process.  Some of the recommendations on the fact sheet are listed below.  Please note that, where applicable, I have added comments after each number based on our experiences.  As before, my goal is to create a single selection criteria questionnaire for parents to use but I feel it is more important to share the individual information and sources first.

Also as you read this, please remember there are good legitimate programs out there, the key is to weed out the other ones.

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We recommend that you beware of programs that

1. Are not state-licensed and accredited with regard to all 3 aspects of the program: the (1) educational, (2) mental/behavioral health and (3) residential components.

Comments for consideration: Ideally, all programs should be state-licensed and accredited with regard to all aspects of their program.  However, depending on the length of the program and the type of program, my thought is that there may be different considerations. As an example, if your son or daughter will be attending a residential treatment center for a short time period, say 3-5 months, whether the school is accredited for educational components may not be as important as whether the residential and mental health components have been accredited.  It may be more important that the credits earned during this time be transferable to the school district that your son or daughter will be attending next and that, if applicable, these units will count towards college credit (see Item 8 below).

As to the type of program, given the short- term nature of a wilderness program, my thought is that these programs should have special accreditation/training for wilderness/field work (e.g. Wilderness First Responder, EMT – Emergency Medical Technician, etc.) and mental/behavioral health.  However, it may not be as important that the wilderness program be accredited for educational and residential components. In all circumstances, programs should have adequate safety training but in the case of a wilderness program, this safety training is even more critical.  Ideally, all residential programs should have some form of residential and mental/behavioral health review/licensing/or accreditation.

Lastly, please keep in mind that not all states require licensing nor do all states have robust review procedures of the facilities that they have accredited/licensed.  For this reason, I must again reiterate the importance of a professional team supporting you in making a placement decision.  In addition, if while your son/daughter is attending a program you feel that there is something that just doesn’t seem right, follow your instinct and notify the appropriate person of your concern (i.e. educational consultant, therapist, etc.) and follow up.  Looking back, I feel that we could have avoided some hardships for our daughter and ourselves had we been more persistent.

2. Claim to be able to assess your child and make program recommendations by internet or by phone and then urge you to “act now” to prevent serious harm to your child and family.

Comments for consideration: Unfortunately, many families begin to take action when there is a crisis with their son or daughter.   Families will then quickly research by using search terms online such as troubled teens, teen addiction, etc..  In some cases, parents will call the programs that showed up on their search.

I am far from an expert but I know that it’s possible to attract traffic to your website by the use of key words.  Please note that driving traffic to a website may not be a bad thing as there are legitimate businesses attracting web traffic to their website, the risk comes with those websites/businesses that are not so ethical and/or knowledgeable.  Some of these programs/businesses may want you to act faster than you are comfortable with and/or than what is warranted.  In fact, you may have time to do adequate research through your local doctor, therapist, educational consultant, etc. and/or to contain the current situation.

However, to be clear, there are legitimate emergencies that must be dealt with immediately.  If you have a local support team already in place, contact the appropriate person.  Ideally, you had been working with a local team and had developed an emergency plan (local hospital, mental health crisis clinic, etc.).  If not, and it is a medical emergency/crisis, call 911.  As an example, if you are dealing with a suicide attempt or an overdose, you need an intervention and/or medical attention immediately – everything else can be dealt with later.

3. Recommend or support the use of private “escort” or “transport” services to take your child to the program.

Comments for consideration: The reality is that most of the teens that I met at the programs that my daughter attended went to the program with an escort service.  In our case, in both instances, our educational consultants recommended this option for our daughter.  In the first instance, we opted against using an escort service, and in the second instance, we did use these services but told our daughter that the escort service would be taking her to the new program and at what time the escort service would be arriving.  In fact, we met the escort team with our daughter the evening before they all left for the program.

I know that the choice to use an escort service is not that simple and depends on each individual family’s circumstance.  If all agree that this is necessary, in my opinion an escort service should be screened like any other program you are dealing with (e.g. who is recommending it, why, is there another option, do they have a record, what is their approach, etc.).

4. Do not respect the wisdom and expertise of parents and youth

• Do not allow your family and child to visit the program, see all the facilities and meet all the staff before deciding to admit your child.
• Tell you to expect that your child will lie to you while in the program, and encourage you not to believe reports of abuse because these will be “attempts at manipulation”
• Do not encourage you as parents to be active participants throughout all stages of the program
• Do not welcome feedback (praise or criticism) from your child regarding the program

Comments for consideration: On the first item, if your child is attending a wilderness program, it may be difficult to get him/her, or possibly yourself, to visit the program prior to admission.  However, if you are using a reliable educational consultant, the educational consultant (or someone from their team) should know the facilities, have a clear understanding of the programs therapist/staff/practices, etc..  Also, speak to parents whose son or daughter have attended the program, find out if your local therapist is familiar with the program, check with the appropriate agencies to determine if any charges (and what type of charges) have been brought up against the program, etc..  Simply stated, you need to feel comfortable.

As to having your son/daughter visit the residential program prior to placement, in our case we visited the programs that had been preselected based on our daughter’s needs, and prescreened through a review of their literature, phone calls to the program, and phone calls to former parents.  Our daughter did not visit the programs based on recommendations received from a couple of members of our team.  However, we did ask our daughter about her preferences and, when possible and appropriate, we tried to meet these.

5. Restrict youth & family rights in terms of:

• Contact with family by phone, mail and in person (for example, no phone contact or visits for first month; censored mail; monitored visits with no opportunities for parent/child discussion in private)
• Dress code (for example: require youth to wear jumpsuits or flip-flops)
• Typical age-appropriate behavior (for example: forbid eye contact with youth of the opposite sex; forbid speaking, smiling, or moving without permission)
• Parental rights (for example: do not contact parents immediately in the case of illness, injury, emergency or treatment/medication changes)
• Do not provide hotlines for youth and families to call at any time if they feel that their rights are being violated or they are being mistreated

Comments for consideration: We found that reduced phone communication was typical during the first few weeks of stay at each of the program our daughter attended. In one program, our daughter was also monitored while on the phone.  This made us feel very uncomfortable and had it not been for the level of comfort that we had with the program from various other sources this would have been unacceptable.  Our level of comfort came from the history our educational consultant had with the program, from our pre-enrollment visit to the program, from our pre-enrollment phone calls, from the parents we had spoken with prior to placement, from the conversation our local therapist had with the program therapist, etc..

We also learned that different states have different rules regarding letter writing privacy.  One state we dealt with allowed letters between teen and parent to be read by staff prior to being sent to the parent while another state considered this inappropriate.  As above, our level of comfort with these practices was directly impacted by all our other information on the program.

As to dress codes, we did run into some form of dress code at each program.  I think that there is more to this category as in some instances certain types of dress codes may not be appropriate (e.g. gang related attire, low cut outfits in a coed program, etc.).  The key may be appropriateness to the circumstances.  It may sound silly but I also feel that the standard should be applied uniformly whenever possible.  Otherwise, it may give the appearance of favoritism.

6. Use harsh and excessive discipline practices that include: seclusion, restraint, corporal punishment, punitive “behavioral modification,” fear tactics, humiliation, peer-on-peer discipline /peer pressure, forced labor, heightened physiological stress* or sedation by medication

* for example, excessive exercise, sleep deprivation, exposure to the elements, forced retention of bodily waste or nutritional deprivation

Comments for consideration: In addition to what is listed above, I think discipline has to fit the circumstances of your teen.  As an example, a teen entering a program struggling with depression/low self esteem, may react strongly to group therapy sessions where the struggling teen is singled out.

7. Provide sub-standard therapeutic intervention

• Do not provide an individualized program with a detailed explanation of the therapies, interventions & supports that will address your child’s specific needs
• Do not provide the kinds of therapies and supports that are recognized as most effective for the problem(s) or symptom(s) your child is experiencing
• The majority of participating youth are experiencing problems very different from the types of difficulties your child is experiencing-this suggests that the program emphasis will not be optimally focused on the needs of your child
• Claim to serve youth with specific psychiatric diagnoses* but do not have full-time licensed mental health professionals** on staff
• Provide individual, family or group psychotherapy that is delivered by staff who are not trained and licensed mental health professionals
• Force youth to self-disclose personal information and/or admit to having problems as proof of “therapeutic progress” or “recovery” or as a prerequisite for “graduating” from the program

Comments for consideration: Unless you’re a therapist, this is one of the areas where you need a team (which includes a therapist) to support your decision making and to help you assess if your son or daughter is getting the right treatment based on their needs.

8. Provide sub-standard education that is:

• Limited to some variety of monitored study halls, videotaped lessons or independent study
• Delivered by staff who are not licensed/certified teachers with degrees from accredited colleges
• Provided in an environment with a high student: teacher ratio (i.e. very few teachers for the number of students)
• Not providing credits that will be recognized by your child’s home school district, the State Department of Education where the program is located or by future college admissions departments
• Unwilling or incapable of recognizing your child’s IEP (Individualized Education Plan)

Comments for consideration: We found that the difference in the educational portion of programs was broad.  As examples, some programs had a heavy emphasis on arts while other programs tended to be more academically focused, some required a laptop for each teen while others had limited computer access.  I think looking at the bigger picture of who your son or daughter is, what are his /her support needs, what are his/her interest, what grade are they in, etc. will help you make the best choice for your family.

9. Admit youth with psychiatric diagnoses but then do not provide appropriate medical treatment:

• Do not complete an initial physical exam and psychiatric evaluation or review a physical exam/psychiatric evaluation conducted immediately prior to admission
• Do not request (prior to or upon admission to the program) your consent to contact psychiatrists, therapists and teachers who are currently working with your child or have worked with your child in the past
• Do not ensure that child/adolescent psychiatrists are regularly available to prescribe, monitor and adjust medications as needed
• Do not ensure that youth who are prescribed medications are administered medications by trained/qualified staff
• Over-medicate youth in order to sedate them
• Explicitly state that the program follows an anti-medication philosophy, particularly if your child is currently taking medication(s) for a diagnosed disorder

Comments for consideration: All of these are valid points.  In addition, there is subtlety in some of these points.  As an example, any program that does not require a physical immediately prior to admission is putting all other attendees and their staff potentially at risk of a communicable disease.

10. Require parents to sign contracts with unreasonable terms:

• Parents must agree to relinquish their custody rights
• Parents must agree to pay for services not rendered if youth leaves program
• Parents must agree not to hold program responsible for providing services as described in promotional materials or specified in original contract
• Parents must agree to pay rates and fees that are not clarified up front
• Parents must agree not to file suspected child abuse reports against program staff or participants
• Parents must agree not to sue program if their child or family is mistreated

Comments for consideration: We saw some of these requests in contracts (i.e. will not sue program).  As with any other contract, please read the contract carefully and ask questions before you sign.

11. Have been reported, investigated or cited by at least one source* for:

• Unsanitary or unsafe living conditions
• Nutritionally compromised diets
• Exposing youth to extreme environmental conditions or physical over-exertion
• Lack of supervision by staff (low staff: youth ratio)
• Medical neglect
• Physical or sexual abuse of youth by program staff or by other program youth
• Violation of youth/family rights

* for example: Dept. of Health, Dept. of Child Welfare, Dept. of Child Protection, Dept. of Education, Police Department, Family Advocacy Group, newspapers

Comments for consideration: In addition, to the agencies listed above, I recommend you also consider contacting some of the government agencies noted in the Resources page.

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I recognize that this is a lot of information to digest but hope that this blog helps you step back and look at the bigger picture.